My conscience whispered and I didn't listen. I know that I'm becoming very unfair to him as days and months passed. I keep on returning back the past that doesn't even exist in the present. But he understood me, he held me even when I'm mad at him for betraying me. He stayed with the new shitty me.
As days passed, I tried to lessen these nonsense arguments about the past. It was harder than I thought but I know in my heart that this is the only way to fix everything. If I really want him in my life, I should learn to trust again. A relationship without trust will definitely not last long.
Then one day, I realized that nonsense fights kept coming and the only root of these nonsense anger is again, about that past. I talked to a friend telling her that this shitty attitude of mine should stop. Honestly, I'm tired of all the little fights. I shoud learn to control my feelings and understand him more. And for him, he told me that everything has a reason and I shouldn't be assuming things that's not real. Not even close to that.
That's when conscience bumped my head and I told myself "I will change my ways." And I promised. Promises are big deal for me the reason why this one.. I knew that I will take it seriously. Days passed and I tried to keep my cool. I didn't get mad whenever he does something that he didn't mean. And you know what? It's actually easy. I noticed that as I change, he changes with me. He became sweeter than I could ever imagine. He became more thoughtful of me. He became more attached and most important of all, he became someone who couldn't make me doubt anymore. That's what I loved the most in this whole thing. As a girl, I was full of doubts. But now, I could actually say that he loves me. He really does love me with all his heart.
This feeling might be temporary or permanent. I don't know..
But I'm happy I'm feeling this right now.
