Every night

Every night is a different feeling. Sometimes I doubt, sometimes I don't. It seems like my own feelings play with me. It doesn't give this consistent feeling of security.

I guess I'm starting to get tired of not knowing where I really stand with him. He  does everything to make me feel special.. But sadly, pure words. No actions. He's not even planning to see me this week. *sighs* If I was on his place, I would really do anything just to see me since I'm just a fx away. Hahaha. But no, he's not that kind of boyfriend. Well, it's okay. If that's how he shows his love then I will accept it. :)

I just want something that would slap me on the face saying "He really loves you with all your heart and you have to aee that." That kind of thing. Hahaha. Anyway, should be going. :)

Too long

"Rejection isn't what makes me back off, it is the pure sight of your happiness without me, as to mean I am no longer needed."

No matter how to whom I open up my feelings, I know that no one will ever understand. They will never understand the pain I'm going through right now. They will never see how hurt I am from all the lies and misunderstandings. From everything. 

We were once very happy. No fights, no arguments. We used to be so glad because we know we have each other.. Through all the ups and downs. Problems, big or small, we just overcome it with a smile. No big deal, no drama. 

But right now, things have changed. And I'm really sure it does. I always find myself shedding tears that he'll never see. I don't talk too much to my friends or family about this because deep in my heart.. I still believe that it'll be okay. 

 It's so hard to love someone when you don't know your worth. It's sad when you realize you aren't as important to someone as you thought you were. That feeling when you look at him, and it seems he's okay without you. It seems you're just a part of his life.. Just a part, nothing special. 

....

I wanna be with him forever, no other girl will ever love him as much as I do. I loved him because he once showed me how much he loves me. He once made me feel how to love and to be loved. 

But I'm crying right now. It's not because I'm weak.. It just means I've been strong for too long. 

Really sweet.

I really find it sweet when guys are very much proud of their girlfriends. ❤ Yung tipong pagtingin mo sa facebook, instagram, twitter nila, hindi pwedeng walang post about sa girlfriend nila. Lalo na yung mga tipong magpopost ng picture ng gf nila para lang sabihin na "Iloveyou" or "imissyou" or kahit anong sweet legit words. ❤ 

Sa part naming mga babae kasi, sobrang sweet talaga ng ganon. :). Yung tipong, he's really proud to have you. He shouts to the world na "I love this girl so much" Yung ganon ba. Haha. 

I salute those kind of guys. :). 

*sighs*

I wish one day, someone will be really really really proud to have me. ❤ 

For when she remembers

Months have gone by

She's happy for it's now fading

All the pain is now a bad memory

She's finally moving on

She keeps on fighting every single day

For she knows that one day, it'll be worth it

Some things she kept to herself

For she doesn't want to complicate things again

But a single thing happens almost everyday

She remembers, she recalls 

Even when she knows she shouldn't

And this makes her feel stupid everytime

He's sorry, he admitted his mistakes

But that doesn't mean the past doesn't kill you

Things are falling back to place

But that doesn't mean it will be perfect again

For when she remembers, she's full of hatred

A hatred that will never be gone, even by time 

Just a thought

"Ming~"

"Waeyo ming? :O."

"Iloveyou~ <3."

*Sighs* I miss his random "iloveyous". Doesn't happen nowadays. Actually, I can't remember the last time he did it.

I'm trying to be strong. Every single day.. Hoping everything will be back the way it was. 

If I only knew then, what I know now. (a week late post)

Una sa lahat, this is my fault. Ako ang naghanap ng problema. Ako ang naghanap ng gulo. Hindi ko naman sinasadya eh. Sadyang chineck ko lang facebook niya. Tas ayun, nakita ko yung conve niya with a girl noon. Alam ko naman talagang nagkasomething sila noon eh. Alam ko yun. :). Pero nagtiwala ako sakanya. Kasi alam kong wala naman siyang agawin about dun. Hindi niya ifflirt, or kahit ano. Kumbaga, no big deal. :D. 

But I was wrong. Medyo nagkasomething pala talaga sila noon. The way he talks to her, may laman talaga eh. And yes, masakit sakin yun. Naisip ko lang na ang unfair niya. Kasi ako, simula dumating siya sa buhay ko, I closed my heart. Kasi siya lang eh, at totoo yon. Siya lang naman talaga. But it seems hindi kami talo. Hindi pa sarado ang puso niya para sa isang babaeng katulad ko. 

If I only knew then, what I know now.. Hindi ko muna talaga siya sana sinagot. Sana naghintay pa ako, sana tiningnan ko muna kung sino siya at ano ba talaga yung nararamdaman niya. :). I said "Yes" because I love him, more than anything in this world. Pero siya. Sana naging sigurado muna siya. :). 

But yeah, we're okay. Again, kasalanan ko to. Wala siyang kasalanan dito. Ako ang naghanap ng problema. Ako ang naghanap ng gulo. ^___^.