Your tears changed everything.

Last night, we had so many misunderstandings. I talked to him over the phone to deal with it. Napa-open kasi ako sakanya ng wala sa oras. I opened up that after all these days, I still feel that "Nigel doesn't love me anymore". Yes, I still do and it hurts me so bad. I actually cried in the bathroom hardcore before opening things to him again.

While we're on the phone, I simply couldn't fight back my tears anymore.. I cried and opened up. This is surely one of the most horrifying moments of my life because I didn't know how things would end up between us. Are we going to break up? Are we going to have a cool-off? Are we going to love each other more after this? I don't know. All I know is I wanted him to know these negative thoughts of mine though it may seem childish. Then I told him "Oh, how about you? Please open up and tell me everything you want to say. I can't always be the one talking here". And he did..

Those words from his voice made me realize that I was being foolish all this time.. Sinabi niya sakin na mahal daw niya ako and nothing would ever change that. He has plans for the future already and I'm in it, sabi niya. Yes, it's still possible that all of these are still bullshit but no, one thing showed that it was not.. He was crying. His voice was shaking. His trembling voice as he speaks became an eye-opener to me. I suddenly remembered the saying that when a guy cries for you, he really loves you. I felt pure sadness and sincerity in his voice.

After the long talk, I decided to throw away my negative feelings from now on. He's my boyfriend and I should believe in him. Tama na, masyado na niyang naprove sakin na mahal na mahal nga niya ako. He cried and made me feel that he was hurting even more kaysa sakin. Sorry if we had to do this first before I feel better, ming. But it worked. I feel a LOT better now. Those negative feelings are gone already.

Ittry ko talaga na hindi na maging TH sakanya. I will not expect na rin masyado kasi hindi nagiging maganda yun sa relationship namin. I will just appreciate kung anong meron kami ngayon. For as long as alam kong ginagawa naman niya yung best niya para samin, ok na ako dun. :)

Iloveyou ming! and Thank You God! ❤

Why am I feeling this?

Right now, I'm not sure anymore if I still love him or not. My heart says I love him very much but my mind somehow says it is slowly falling apart. Maybe this is just psychologically or something, but one thing's for sure.. I HATE THIS FEELING. I hate myself for thinking this way. I loved him since forever and I don't want everything to be ruined by my temporary thoughts.

Ok Jan, YOU STILL LOVE HIM. See? Just by typing that, it made you smile. :). YOU STILL LOVE HIM.

Yes, I know I do. :). I will still do my best for us. Iloveyou ming! ❤

To be honest, I want to be with you all the time.. like they are. (adaylatepost)

Masaya ako ngayong araw. Sobra. Nakita ko kasi ulit yung boyfriend ko. Iba parin talaga pag nagkasama kayo.. kahit gaano pa kasaglit yon. Masayang masaya na talaga ako kanina basta alam ko lang na andyan siya. Pinapunta ko kasi kanina eh, buti pinayagan siya. :)

Ngayon, syempre obvious naman, hindi ko na siya kasama. Kung kasama ko kasi siya ni di ko magagalaw ng matagalan tong phone ko. Haha. Anyway, my concern is.. Minsan, hindi ko na maintindihan yung parents niya. Hindi ko alam kung nasasabi ko lang ba to ngayon dahil nalungkot akong wala na naman siya or what. Basta ngayon, naiisip ko.. "Bakit hindi nila hayaan yung anak nila na maging independent naman at maging malaya kahit papano?" Hindi ko rin naman sinasabing nasasakal siya sa parents niya ngayon.. Ano lang, yung mga restrictions kasi, feeling ko sobra na. Naaawa ako sa sarili ko kasi sarili kong boyfriend, hindi ko makasama ng ayos. Sakanya rin, naaawa ako. Alam kong palagi niyang gusto na makasama ako ng mas matagal pa. Pero palaging bawal. Kung oo man, nako. Minsan lang din mangyari.

Naiinggit lang ako sa mga couple na nasa paligid ko. Palagi silang magkasama, nakakapagovernight, nakakapagbonding ng isang buong araw, etc. to the the point na parang sanay na sila sa isa't isa sa sobrang dami. Samantalang ako, minsan ko lang talaga siya makasama. Kaya everytime na magkasama kami, I always seize the moment. Every moment. Kaya wag siya magtaka kung bakit sobra sobrang sweet ko pag magkasama kami. Pwsh, kahit pala palagi, sweet parin ako. Haha.

Gusto ko lang, makasama pa siya ng mas maraming beses. Pero kung hindi naman, naguguluhan man ako minsan kung bakit ganon ang parents niya.. Iintindihin ko kasi mahal ko sila. Kailangan ko intindihin kasi alam ko naman na "Parents know best." Kung yun talaga ang way ng pagpapalaki nila sa boyfriend ko, rerespetuhin ko yun. Masakit lang talaga minsan para sakin na hindi siya masyadong makasama pero mahal ko siya, kaya kakayanin ko. Kahit gaano pa katagal o kahaba yung agwat ng di namin pagkikita, tatanggapin ko lang ng tatanggapin. Wala eh, mahal ko siya eh kaya kahit anong problema pa dumating diyan.. kakayanin ko. Alam kong may magandang kapalit din lahat ng to.. balang araw. :)

Thank you God! Smile lang ng smile. :)

Stuck in the moment.

I was being jealous again of the girls he used to akdjslsnkss. I always tell him "Wag ka mangbababae sa event ah." Natatawa nga ako eh, feeling ko kasi pag nasa event siya at wala ako.. sa ibang babae na siya tumitingin. Yung tipong napupunta yung interest niya sa iba. Oo, ayoko nun. Tawa nalang.

Basta about yan dyan. Medyo nakalimutan ko na kasi. Yung moment na yun lang yung di ko nakakalimutan up until now. ❤. It really made me stop talking and realized that I was being childish again. Ako lang naman talaga ang mahal niya. Sakin nalang naman siya nakatingin ngayon. I was just making my own thoughts that time that's why I nagged. I will never forget that time, that 3-second moment of my life..

THAT KISS. ❤