OA HA. ANG OA TALAGA JAN.

Haaay, thursday night ngayon. Last day of school kaya umuwi na papuntang Laguna. Habang nasa bus, ok.. I cried like an idiot. Not just because of the reason but the hell, I was doing it inside the bus. In a public place. HAHA. I didn't expect na mangyayari yun. Umiyak ako kasi this "post", inopen neto sakin lahat lahat. Parang dun ako nagsimula mag-isip. Yun yung post niya about sunny's big b----. Ideretso na natin. Dahil dun, kung anu-ano na pumasok sa isip ko.
Napansin ko kasi, (actually matagal na) na palagi nalang niyang bukambibig ang iba't ibang babae. Here's the funny part, sila yung tipong stars talaga. Although may times parin na sina ate Jobel, ate Kitty, ate Sangmi etc. Naisip ko lang na, hindi ba ako enough sakanya? Am I not pretty enough for him to be contented? Pwsh. OO naman. Alam kong hindi, ano ba Jan. HAHA. Pero kasi everytime na ganon siya, nanliliit ako. It's like parang ang dami daming kulang sakin. Hm. Alam mo napaparamdam niya sakin na HINDI LANG AKO YUNG NAG-IISANG BABAE SA BUHAY NIYA. Sa mga ginagawa niya, feeling ko madami kaming minamahal niya malalim man yung pagmamahal na yun sa iba o hindi. Alam ko man na ako talaga yung  mahal niya eh, pero nadodown parin ako in a way. Yung fact na he talks and spazzs about other girls.. it hurts. </3. Yun din ang eksaktong dahilan kung bakit naiinis ako sa sarili ko. Kasi parang walang kwenta oh.. Pero bakit kasi nabbother ako ng ganto?

 Ayoko i-open to kay Nigel to. Hindi ko kayang gawin yun. Alam ko na namang hindi magiging maganda maiisip niya at sasabihan lang niya akong parang tanga. Totoo, para akong tanga. Pero eto kasi yung nararamdaman ko eh at nahihirapan akong pigilan yun. Mianheyo. Sabi nga ni kuya Joyeth, natural lang naman to kasi mahal mo yung tao. Syempre andun yung pagiging selosa at insecure mo pagdating sakanya. Pero ang payo niya sakin, kalimutan nalang muna lahat kasi walang mararating pag inaway ko lang siya about dito. Oo naman, yun naman talaga balak kong gawin. :). Kasi sabi ko nga "Kung alam mong walang kwenta yung reason mo para awayin siya, edi wag mong gawin. :)."
I'm okay now.. I'll just forget everything and still love him. Siya nalang bahala magpatunay na.. mahal rin talaga niya ako at ako lang. Wala nang iba~

Overjoyed.

Yes, that is what I feel right now. I will forever consider myself  lucky because God has given me someone with a genuine heart. A heart that is true and pure especially when it comes to his loved ones.
Just now, he posted something on his wall showing the world how much he loves his mother. Honestly, I have never seen someone like him.. A guy who would post a picture of him and his mother and say the sweetest words? Ugh. If I were his mother, I would really be happy and thank God that He has given me a son, like him. I know that his family in the near future, especially his wife, will be lucky to have him because of his kind personality. I'm not saying that he has a perfect attitude, he slack off sometimes.. but he has a PURE HEART. I  know he has.
He is really special. I can see something within him that I simply can't compare with anything or anyone in this world.
That's the reason why I loved him this much.. and by the time that he's officially mine, I WILL NEVER EVER LET HIM GO. Never.

First stupid fight.

        Well, yesterday was our first fight ever (Puro tampuhan lang kasi talaga yung dati). I didn't expect any of these kahapon. I was very bored dito sa bahay kaya nagdecide akong sumama kay ate mav kasi pupunta siya sa practice ni kuya Joyeth (her boyfriend). I thought he was also there that's why I agreed and came with her. I was really excited because I know he will be shocked to see me. Makikipagkita naman talaga ako sakanya nun eh kaso canceled kasi di' na kami nakapag-enroll ni Jam. Kaya extra-shocked talaga. Yung tipong may butterflies na ako sa stomach, byahe palang. Ate mav then asked me to buy some food for him because she will be buying some for kuya Joyeth too. At first, ayoko kasi hindi ko naman ginagawa sakanya yun. FIRST TIME 'to pero naisip ko na wala namang masama dun. Kaya ayun, I bought him food. Because of that, more butterflies were in my stomach! Gaaaaaah! As soon as we reached 6th floor, sobrang kinakabahan na talaga ako pero more on masaya kasi I will be able to see him kahit hindi naman talaga dapat. :).

         Sina Jade yung unang bumati sakin tapos nakita ko lumapit agad si ate Mav kay kuya Joyeth. I tried to look for  him and saw him practicing. Oh well, maybe he didn't see me. HAHA. Nung medyo matagal na kong andun, (I was waiting for him to notice), finally, lumapit na siya samin. He hugged ate Mav.. syempre, nag-expect ako na ako na yung kasunod nun. I really wanted to hug him already because I really missed him. Pero ayun, HE JUST LOOKED AT ME, TINAASAN AKO NG KILAY TO GREET, AT BUMALIK NA SA PRACTICE. I was like.. whaaaaaaaaaaaaat!? Hahaha. Yes, I know it was just a joke but I ain'y laughing. Instead, nainis ako sakanya. Alam mo yung feeling na nag-effort ka bumyahe, bumili ng pagkain  for him na first time kong gagawin tapos ganon yung salubong niya sakin? I don't know if I'm just being oa or what but I really didn't like his stupid joke. Nung medyo tumagal tagal na, di parin niya talaga ako pinapansin kaya dun ko naisip na.. did I do something wrong for him to be mad at me? I talked to kuya Joyeth about it. Pero it ended up nag tawanan lang kami. HAHA. His wagas faces really made me laugh. Ayun.. then I told myself, "Ah, ganyanan pala ah. Sige lang." I was not being hard or something, NO. Na pissed off lang talaga ako. After nun, tumayo na ko agad because I saw in my pv that he was approaching me.  He grabbed my hand and finally talked to me. Tiningnan ko siya at sinabi niyang sorry. Pero I was very mad at him kaya I told him "Mamaya mo na ko kausapin." and pushed him away. I walked out and sat beside kuya Karl. Nanggigigil talaga ako nun. I tried to laugh pero this time, fake na lahat yun kasi.. masakit sakin gawin sakanya yun. Ngayon lang kasi talaga nangyari lahat to. 

          Then after a while, without talking or even an eye contact, umalis siya. I want to run after him pero naunahan ako ng hiya. Bumaba siya, bibili daw pala ng tubig. While he was away, I talked to Raymond. Sobrang awkward, grabe. Bakit kaya? Kasi matagal na kaming di nag-uusap? HAHA. Ayun, I tried to keep him company. Nung lumabas siya, I even followed him there and talked to him. Then nakita ko na naman sa PV ko na parating si Nigel. I looked at him and he gave this rose. Sobrang nagulat ako nun. Tinanong ko siya bakit kailangan niya pa bumili nun. He said "Sorry" once again. Tapos yung guard, pinaalis kami dun bigla at ayun, umalis ako at bumalik ng studio. I thought he was going to follow me pero pag tingin ko, andun  parin siya. Then I saw him going to the restroom. Jade told me to run after him and I saw him punched the wall. 

O___O <-- my reaction.

I followed him hanggang sa boy's cr. Nakita ko pa dun si kuya Karl, natawa kami pareho. HAHA. Ayun, I tried makipag-ayos na sakanya. Kinuha ko na yung rose. Ayokong nakikita siyang ganon sa totoo lang. Sorry ming~ 

Okay na, paalis na kami lahat. Medyo may awkwardness parin between samin pero yeah, napatawad ko na siya. Hindi ko lang talaga siya makausap because of what I saw earlier. Nag-usap pa nga sila ni Ate Mariel eh bago kami bumaba ng elev. Then I found out that, nanghiram muna siya kay ate kasi ginastos niya lahat ng pera niya for the rose. Ate Mav even got mad at me and told me that I should talk to him now. Dahil dun, nilapitan ko na siya and tried talking to him. Okay na. Mas naging ok nung sabay kaming umuwi. Hahatid daw niya ako hanggang buendia but I decided to stop at empire first and eat. Nag ministop kami then nagpunta nang empire. Doon, kumain kami at nagka-ayos na. We cuddled and kissed. As a sorry I guess. 

And that ended our stupid first fight.

I gotta say, It wasn't easy for me getting mad at him for that reason. I just followed what I feel but of course hindi ko naman hahayaang magtagal yun. I just think I needed a little time to relax first before talking to him again. I didn't even say sorry.. Ugh. Dito ko nalang ilalabas: Sorry ming  if I acted that way. I acted childish and gone mad just because of that. I expected kasi masyado kaya nagalit ako ng ganon. Nag-expect ako na you will greet me with an open arms and hugged me tight because you missed me. I EXPECTED kasi. Next time talaga dapat hindi na para hindi ako nagagalit ng ganon sayo. Ayoko na nun. I don't wanna see that gloomy and sad face ever again. I will try my best. 

And remember, I still love you with all my heart. Nothing could ever change that.

Making a big deal out of every single thing, every single time.

I gotta say, I am really lucky with my parents. They always let us do what we want and never accused us. Hindi naman yung tipong kahit ano talaga. Pero alam mo yun, basta masaya kami.. masaya sila. :). Pinapangaralan lang nila kami them kami na bahala. Pero we never took that for granted. We still have our respect for our parents. Malaki lang talaga mga tiwala nila samin. Thank you GOD. Well as for him, he never gets what he truly wants when "parents" are involved. Making a big deal on late night conversations during vacation? What the hell's wrong with them? Oh no no no no, I shouldn't say those kind of words but instead, respect their decisions. They are parents and I know they have the best intentions for their children. It's just that.. sometimes they seem to be too much. TOO MUCH that comes to the point na parang nasasakal na siya. I really feel sorry for him, I really do. Nakikita ko rin kasi talaga yung kahigpitan ng parents niya. I think I know the feeling kasi naiimagine ko na pano kung ganon din kahigpit ang parents ko? Alam ko kasi yung other side kaya feeling ko talaga, mahirap yung opposite. Tssss.


Because of this, naisip ko tuloy yung magiging future (here we go again) children ko. I promise to myself that I would treat them just like how my parents treated me. I know the feeling kasi and I gotta say, it is GREAT! Sa kanya naman, I know he would go with the same decision like mine because he had been there and wouldn't want it to be experienced by our children. Nanggaling na siya dun eh, gugustuhin pa ba nya yun maulit ulit sa magiging mga anak namin? Of course not.


So you guys, our children in the future, YOU ARE ONE LUCKY SIBLINGS. Seriously. >:D.

Future.

Sometimes, I just open random things to him.. just like yesterday. Well, I'm always random. Pero may laman nga daw palagi yung pagkarandom ko, sabi niya. HAHA. Ayun, kahapon (pagkatapos  ata namin manood ng movie nun) I opened about the things I would want by the time we're married. Yeah, I know mabilis.. pero wala namang masamang mag-imaimagine di'ba? Pero yun talaga yung gusto ko if ever nga. :). 

Want I want for my future family.. What I want for us. :)

• I wanna live in a subdivision.. a village to be exact. Feeling ko kasi magka-iba yun. HAHA. Near Manila dapat. Pero second option: a condo unit. :)
• I want our house to be colored bage, baige, bayge, however you spell that, yellow and brown. (I don't know, relaxing kasi siguro para sakin yang mga kulay na yan)
• Of course, gusto ko may second floor That's where our room and our children's room stay.
• May terrace where I could put a piano or something.
• Children? Hmm. Dalawa lang. One boy, one girl and I would very much prefer if the boy is older.
• Rooms? Gusto ko sossy yung bed namin. Kumbaga andun yung aura of "master's bedroom" If you know what I mean. Tapos for the kids naman, I want it blue then has 2 single beds na magkatabi. Tapos maraming kiddie stickers sa wall. Just like in typical movies. 
• A dog that will play around with us. Yung tipong tatagal talaga samin and will be a member of the family na rin.
• Every summer, I want to go out of town with them. (Ex: Bohol, Boracay, Hongkong Disneyland)
• I want to be a housewife. Well not to just slack off but  because I wanna be the person that would take care of my family. I would want to raise my children and be a responsible mother/wife. Yung tipong makikita ko silang lumaki at hindi lalaki sa turo ng ibang tao just because I'm busy. I know every mother would want that.Sakanya naman, gusto ko maging loving and caring wife. Pagluluto ko siya pagdating niya from work, make him a nice warm bath etc. I won't do it kasi sugar mama ako. No. I will simply do it to show my love for him and how proud I am sakanya. :). 

Yan yung mga nabanggit ko sakanya kahapon. Pero ok lang naman sakin kung hindi ko makuha lahat yan eh. Sabi nga nila, hindi lahat ng gusto mo, makukuha mo. Pero of course, i will try my best because if you have the will, there's always a way. :).

Ayun. Sa totoo lang, simple lang naman ang gusto ko for my future..

I just want a loving family that would make me happy and make my life worth living. 

And I know God will give me one. :).

It has happened to me.

Nakuha ko lang sa twitter to. :3.


Well yeah, it has happened to me. I was not looking for anyone nung time na nagmeet kami. In fact, medyo depress pa ko nun kasi kaka "hiwalay" ko lang dun sa last ko bago siya. Hindi ko siya boyfriend ah! Let's just say.. kaM.U ko noon. I really thought I loved him. Pero sobrang infatuated lang pala ako nun. Like I said, I was not looking for something that time. So here's what happened:


       One LAZY afternoon, while bumming out on bed, my sister approached my twin sister asking her if she could join her during the weekends to choreograph a cover group of Super Junior (13seouls). Well, I was not excited or anything when I heard that.. more like, curious. So I listened to their conversation: During that time, Jam just got of the hospital cause of dengue. That's the reason why she rejected Ate's favor. Yes, she asked me too but I also rejected her because I was TOO lazy to go out. HAHAHA. (what a reason). But Ate Mariel suddenly said these "words" that convinced me to say YES. Ate's pretty good at that. It's like she has this gayuma or something. Darn. Well there you go, I said yes and came with her to Quezon Ave. That's a pretty far place from home.. I learned to love that simple "yes" because I was really stunned sa Manila. Ako kasi yung tipong hindi naman magala. Kaya ayun.. I had so many "first-times" It was my first time to went out of town with my sister alone, to see the city of Quezon and to.. ride a train. Grabe, halos mamatay na ako sa saya nun. Haha. I was thankful pa kay ate na ako yung sinama niya at hindi si Jam. :)). Ayun, she was making phone calls that time to meet up with 13seouls' teukie. Magmmeet daw kami sa Trinoma, food court. Ako naman tong si sama lang ng sama. 


    Then ayun, hindi ko alam na.. I would meet my prince charming there. Yung taong sobrang importante na sakin ngayon. Yung taong magbibigay sakin ng genuine happiness. 


The funny thing was.. umpisa palang nag-spazz na ako sakanya! HAHAHAHA. Well, hindi naman. Kumbaga nagwapuhan ako sakanya non. LOLOLOLOLOL. Pero hanggang dun lang yun. After nun, nakamove on naman ako agad. Then we went straight ahead to Brewing Point. This is where we practiced and all. Another first time: It was my first time to teach boys.. not to mention, pretty boys. One time, when we were all resting, I noticed him alone at the mirror side of the room. I sat down beside him and started asking him random questions. Ilang taon na siya, saan siya nakatira, anong year na niya, saan siya nag-aaral. Yes, those were the exact questions. Of course eto naman siyang si sagot. Then napasarap na kwentuhan namin. Dun na nagsimula ang tuksuhan and everything. "Getting to know you, getting to know you~" Yun pa tukso samin. Then things started to go so well. SO WELL. Nagkkwento na ako sakanya ng kung anu-ano. It was really easy to talk to him. He was very approachable and understanding. VERY. 


And that was the start of our journey. <3. 

Holding Hands

Hindi ko talaga matanto kung bakit masyadong malaki sakin yang issueng yan. Holding hands with your partner? Ano namang masaba dun diba? Pero bakit parang everytime he holds my hand in public.. naiilang ako? Minsan, nagagawa kong matagal.. actually these days kaya ko na. Pero dati.. andun talaga yung ilang at di mawala. Maybe because relationships ay very big deal talaga sakin. Siguro kinakabahan lang din kasi syempre.. first time ko. Wala pa namang humahawak ng kamay ko ng ganyan sa public. SIYA palang. You know? Kahit sure na kami sa isa't isa at okay naman kami, nahihirapan parin ako. BAKIT? Dahil kasi hindi ko pa maexpress sakanya ng BUONG-BUO kung gano sya kahalaga sakin. Para kasi sakin, SUPER importante ang relationship status. Oo, I admit our status is quite rasfdyangnaliejfoaeg. Wala kasing official. Doon ako nahihirapan. Sa state na.. "UNOFFICIALLY YOURS". For example, nasa public nga kami, tapos bigla nyang hahawakan yung kamay ko.. parang naiisip ko "Tama ba to? Eh hindi pa naman kami, bakit namin ginagawa to?" Yun yung nasa isip ko dati. Pero I realized pag kaming dalawa lang, sobrang showy ako sa nararamdaman ko. As ing aware din sya dun. It all states that.. I'm afraid to the public. It's not that I don't want them to know that "this is the guy I love" ANIYO. Yun nga yung pinaka hinihintay ko eh. Na mapakita sa lahat na siya yung pinili ko. Natatakot lang siguro ako para sa sarili kong image. Kumbaga, hindi pa naman dapat kasi hindi pa kami tapos padalos dalos ako. HMM. Kahit naman maging kami na, ayoko parin ng masyadong showy sa public eh. 

I HATE PDA's (Public Display of Affection)

Ayoko talaga nun. Pag nakakakita ako sa labas ng MASYADONG ganon, naiinis ako. Kaya bakit ko gagawin di'ba? Good thing we had the same perspective when it comes to PDA. Kaya wala akong problema. :)). WEEEEE~ Anyway, ayun. OK LANG SAKIN NA HAWAKAN NIYA YUNG KAMAY KO SA PUBLIC. MAHAL KO EH. PERO MAS MAGIGING OKAY AKO PAG KAMI NA TALAGA. Mas masarap kasi sa feeling yun.. di'ba? ^____^.

anong problema ko?

I think I'm being moody right now. takte, bipolar ata ako. haha. mabait tapos biglang magsusungit. what's wrong with me. wala naman siyang ginawang masama? he just said his goodbyes. infernes, believe ako sakanya. he knew something wrong was going on. am I really that obvious? maybe, yun nga. I don't know.. I still love him, of course. di naman nagbabago yun. HAHA.


esagfghlaskjdlas;fk. to tell you the truth, I was not satisfied sa paguusap namin ngayon. ang nakakatawa dun, normal lang naman na ganon haba ng usapan namin eh? maybe I just want to talk to him longer since summer vacation ngayon. It's okay, he has cough and cold anyway so it would be better for him not to stay up late. LOL. you know what? I told him earlier that he might think I'm a freak making a blog just to say the things I feel towards him. AM I A FREAK? because feeling ko, oo. hmmm. eh gusto ko lang naman may paglabasan ng feelings ko eh. at eto yun. a diary is not enough. there, I just write about the things I do everyday. In other words, my diary is more on the things I do than what I feel. kaya masaya ako may ganto na ako ngayon eh. :).


okay, somethings bugging me again. do you think he thinks that because of this blog.. I hide a lot of secrets from him? well, of course not. hindi naman sa ganon. lahat naman ng nararamdaman ko, alam niya at yun ang gusto ko. kumbaga, I will make sure that most of what I'm going to say sa blog na to, alam din nya. YES. THAT'S MY GOAL. ayoko yung tipong nagtatago sakanya. ANIYO. :).


GOODNIGHT, I'm gonna take off to bed I guess.

FACE PALM, no.. I want it FACE ASDFGHJKSAOHDKIGWD

so right now, we're talking over the phone. LOOOOL! buntikan ko na masabi sakanya yung pangalan ng blog! I'm dead if he knew. pero "duh" pwede ko naman baguhin diba. HAHAHA. anyway, you know what? ALAM NA NYA NA MAY BLOG AKO! stupid me. *face palm* ang bilis.. nakakainis.

Oh, FS.

HAHAHAHA. I was stalking his FS profile like 2 days ago and I saw this:

It was really funny seeing this post.. I can actually say those 3 words to him na pala even before he did (I guess). malakas lang loob ko kasi naka anonymous ako. :))). well I guess wala syang idea na ako yun because I was not showy nung mga panahong yan. all I showed him was that: I'm a friend and will always be there for him.. not that way. Before kasi, no "iloveyou's, mahal kita" etc. just plain 

SARANGHAE~ or SARANGHAEYO~

pag trip, may "yongwonhi" and I gotta say.. that makes it VERY special. :). kumbaga mega ":>" na ako nun. HAHAHAHAHAHA. (oh I just hate that kilig face) anw, marami pa akong nakitang imba sa FS niya. the time I stalked it, yun palang yung time na nalaman ko yung mga pinagsasabi nya dun about sakin. this post I will never forget: (nakita ko na rin to noon)

It was really.. akusgfuadofjvdodgvhiadkg. <--- hindi yan kilig ah, well of course meron. HAHA. pero ayun. I didn't expect he would say those things. really? he could actually write a novel just to say what he really feels about me? well right now, acceptable na yon. many things have happened already but during those times, madami pa kaming di alam. AS ING MARAMI PA. ngayon sa present kasi, we have learned a lot na. kumbaga, I could actually say that we are now matured enough because we already know each other's flaws. alam na namin kung ano yung dapat at hindi. pero syempre, hindi pa lahat at soon-to-be palang sila magpapakilala samin. :))).

just now, as ing just now, he texted me: "Oh, ano ginagawa mo ming?" I wanna say, writing things about you baby. HAHAHA. baby ampode. XD. osya, let's end it here. he's gonna call in a few. :). chao!

I’m crazy, I know.

(trasferred post lang) 

just this moment, I attempt to post something on his wall.. but i suddenly changed my mind and came up to a decision: “no, not now.” It’s not that I’m afraid of what other people may think, no. but.. maybe because I think that I didn’t really get their minds filled with what I truly feel towards him.. except for those who are very close to me. parang ang labo lang kasi kung makikita nung iba. I don’t really get why I’m making a big deal out of this but I’m pretty sure it’s not leaving my head. certainly, NOT. sdfghjkl. 

I’m being random. don’t mind me. :).

:).

here he go again. spazzing na naman kasi nameet nya yung mga crush nya dun sa pinagpasyalan nya with his family. ok lang naman sakin, I trust him very much. I know that he wouldn't get himself attached to any of them because he cares sa mga mararamdaman ko, I know. but why am I having these alibi's? why am I being so irritated whenever he does those kind of spazzing and stuffs? WHY AM I BEING.. JEALOUS? 

sino ba naman ako para pigilan sya sa mga nararamdaman nya eh. kung ganon talaga sya, I just need to accept it.. kahit medyo masakit. medyo lang naman eh. kumbaga, hindi naman ako yung tipong magdidibdib sa ganong bagay. aniyo. :)). masaya ako basta masaya sya. :). I just need to let it all out. I don't wanna leave these things in my mind cause it might stay there and asgdkjqawflidnaef. It's hard to explain. hmm. *sighs* I will just trust him with all my heart at ibahala tong mga nararamdaman ko. alam ko namang walang patutunguhan to kasi ako lang naman nag-iiisip ng ganto. ALAM KO YUN AT AWARE AKO DUN.


hmmm. maybe, I'm not just used to that attitude of him wherein he looks to another girl, or girls rather, whom I KNOW are much prettier than me. insecure? oo ata. HAHAHAHA. pero he already said what he said and I know all of it is the truth. :).