Night sky

You were the night sky 

That gazed through my window pane

In this room with no ally

You're the one who kept me sane

My blaze of thoughts grew me fond

Of all the things I wonder

But looking at you, there's this bond

That makes all things blonder

Keeping you gave me second thoughts

Not sure how, not sure why

In this endless battle I fought,

It is you who eager me to fly

I am an old creek house

Who had the messiest interior

But you were the night sky that arouse

The things which made me feel superior

Diamond

There are times I wish I could turn back time and do everything right. I am such a mess for letting everything go with a temporary feeling. With something I thought would never be gone because I was full of hatred. I admit, I still am and I'm still not sure when will everything be gone. I wish I was strong enough to accept the fact that the person you loved the most would still hurt you even if you thought you did everything to make it right. That sometimes, you should realize that the person is always worth all the pain.

It's just sad that I'm too far now. That I couldn't simply go back to the time when the universe still have "us". That I couldn't just knock on your doorstep and remind you how beautiful of a person you are. Cause for me, even if you did me wrong in the past, you are always going to be special. You are a diamond kept in my heart. A diamond which represents the shinest gift I could have in my life. 

But I guess that sometimes, you just have to let a person go for that's the best you could do right now. You have to explore and learn new things to be a better person. You have to let yourself be matured enough to commit for the person you love. 

...and if the universe would open the doors for us again, if the universe would give light to this diamond I keep in my heart, I would gladly hold the key.. And never let you go again.

Anniversary messages

Anniversary messages

They are a good read when things are working out, when things are alright; 

Hence, they are the worst read when things are broken, when things are shattered. 

Regrets

I know I did you wrong; very wrong

I did find peace when I Ieft

I did find happines when I walked away

I did find my inner peace

It's like everything's meant to be that way

It's like those were the final days

It's like keeping up with life again

Or at least it felt like it

I swore I'd be happy

If someone new comes along

To finally see him back up again;

To see that longing smile i've always wanted

But some things are simply messy

Some things are a little unfair

For the things you thought you've always wanted

Weren't the things you've wanted all along

Love her or lose her. 

It's that simple. 

Not at all

Months have passed since you and I decided to seperate our ways. You may not notice it, but I was in deep pain when that happened. I just chose to be strong infront of everyone most especially, infront of you. I did cope up with this dramatic point of my life. I actually felt like I was really ready to let go of everything that we had by loving someone else. We had our moments that made me realize more that we are not really for each other because if we are, I would not really find this kind of happiness once again with someone else other than you. 

I enjoyed his company. He made me feel that I'm always a priority. He gives all his attention just to make sure I am actually being loved. I was happy though sometimes we fight because of you and his ex. It's just really inevitable. 

Then one day, you came across my mins and started to ask someone how you were. Then.. Things have changed. I knew that you are on that part of moving on as well. You are trying to give your attention to someone else now and honestly, I felt like a huge part of my heart just go away from me. I remember when I always tell you that I'm going to be the happiest when I see you moving on from our relationship-- from me. I always pray to God to give you the strength everyday and for you to find happiness again. That's the least I could do for breaking your heart. 

Then, she came into your life. I really thought that I could happily accept the fact and the idea of you being with someone new.. But I was totally wrong. Even if months have passed now, I could tell that I'm really not ready to gaze my eyes (even if it's just on the internet/photo) of you and another girl. It's just so hard for me to look at cause reality's always taking me back to the time when you were still trying to pursue back my heart. From now on, I'll always wonder "what if I gave you another chance to prove yourself? What if I just accepted you again in my life?" What difference could it make?

Months have passed but I still can't forsee you with some other girl. I really thought that my heart and mind was already strong enough to look at that view-- but I was wrong. Cause even though someone turned the world upside down, I always know that i'm not ready yet.. Not at all. 

An Open Letter to the Man I Loved

It's just sad that after everything we've been through, after every article and poems I made for you.. We're through

I can't really expound on how things have turned around for us. All I know is that one day.. Love just left us. And there are so many reasons why. Reasons that are almost unexplainable and opposite to the burning feelings we once had.  

6 years.. I've known you for that long. We shared everything-- memories, arguments, hatred.. Love. But as time passed, love just keep on going away from us. People say that when someone truly loves you, you'll just know. On my part.. I almost never knew at all. There were a lot of times that I wondered how you really felt about me. There were times that I questioned the stars and the moon if I still shine as bright as them when you look at me. There were times that I stumbled upon the floor and cried my heart out thinking about all the reasons that you were not really inlove with me. 

I know for sure that you didn't even notice the lack of attention I was encountering from you. That when I try to talk about so many things like how my day went and how I really am, your eyes just seem to gaze all around the corner, not really looking nor listening to what I have to say. I know that you loved me, but for some reasons, your love just didn't really touched my heart. And it's maybe because we're never on the same page. We're never on the same line so how could we meet half way? I was always on midst of denying that you and I were different. People around me kept on telling me that we have a lot of inner misunderstandings based on how you and I made each other feel. It just sucks that I only knew that after so many years. Ever since you cheated on me and you made me feel worthless, my mind kept on wandering about who to really love. I tried coping up with all the unwanted thoughts battling around my head just so I could stay with the who broke me.. But that's just not how things work. 

I had to set myself free, even if I don't know where to go next. I had to escape from all the "what ifs" and start reaching out to the "what is". I had to stop wondering and make this broken heart of mine genuinely happy again. I had to explore and count on things that really matter. Even if it's

a little frightening to start all over again. 

Don't get me wrong.. I loved you. I really did. I wouldn't stay with you for 6 long years if I didn't. I wouldn't be crying every night and still smile everytime I talk about you and our used-to-be plans in the future. I wouldn't even write this letter if it really didn't matter. But loving you turned out to be giving myself away that I forgot how to love myself. 

😔

"Moving on"

For so long I've been wondering

How will I ever feel complete again

Seeing you is like the best thing

Keeping you is like the most right thing

But as I feel full responsibility

Of all of the unwanted thoughts and feelings,

There is one thing that I've realized

...the true meaning of "moving on"

Forgetting & forgiving are the most common

Smiling and living are what come next

But the real question is... For what?

Does the word "you" really counts?

Maybe for a while, it will be,

But when tables have turned, will it be still?

No, cause the one who broke you

Will never ever be the one who fix you

So today, or maybe for a long time now, I could say, or at least realized, that I've moved on

...but too sad, you're not a part of that "moving on" anymore

- J.K.V