I promise

There will come a time that I'll just forget everything. 

I'll accept, move on and trust you wholeheartedly again.

Just like what you keep on telling me.

I'm sorry if I can't do that today, nor tomorrow, nor the next days. 

It may be a long time. 

I can't really say when. 

But I know that someday, I'll just forget all the pain and the lies. 

Everything that hurt.

So keep loving me, show me that you care, don't get tired of me.

Because I believe that one day, everything will turn around. 

And I will smile again. 

I promise. 

Cheat, big word

I just want to share some of my thoughts about "cheating". I have experienced it and as everyone says, it is really indeed hard. Yes, it truly is. It can change a person's perspective way more than you can imagine it. I believe that in a relationship, nothing is more painful than being cheated on.. NOTHING.

It's been 7 months since then.. But i gotta admit, it still hurts like hell. Tears still fall just by remembering it. The bad thing about it is that no matter what your partner do just to get your trust back.. it is naturally hard. 

What hurts on being cheated the most is when you think about the memories back when you were still okay. It feels like everything's put to waste. You would just think "If he really loved me, he wouldn't have the guts to look for another one. He would have stayed with you, no matter who you've become."

It's not really about who or how he did it, it's about WHY he did it. You will always wonder.. and I believe that's what makes it harder. 

I accepted him though it was very hard for me. Why? Because he showed me that I am truly who he wants to be with. He even sacrificed so many things just to prove that to me. In those times, I was really in the edge of giving up but he was there to pull me back up. 

I believe that the one that is meant for us is going to be the hardest to get, the hardest to keep and the hardest to accept because through all that, the love will grow stronger.

I admit, loving someone who have hurt you the most is not easy because you will always have this kind of hatred that you feel will never be gone, even by time. But you just gotta believe that everything will be back to normal and never forget the faith you have invested in your partner. For it goes a long way.. a very long way. I accepted him again not just because I love him, it's also because we both know that we have something really special that we know we'll regret if we just throw it all away. We just know.

You hear a song

"Maybe one day I'll just let it all go

Let every shade of my true colors show

Keep loving me and I'll lose all control

Eventually...

Never wanna be, never wanna be that girl

With a million needs, who keeps running your world

Boy, do you lie, when you say I look good tonight.

I see a mess in the mirror,

But you see the girl of your dreams

I see the dark clouds rolling in,

But you see the sky I can't see

I hear this melody coming out all wrong

But you hear a song, you hear a song

They keep talking,

All the ghost from the past

Heart broken,

Can't get over it fast

Just give it up, stays around,

And it never leaves.

I see a mess in the mirror,

But you see the girl of your dreams

I see the dark clouds rolling in,

But you see the sky I can't see

I hear this melody coming out all wrong

But you hear a song, you hear a song

A one note symphony... Baby come on

And sing it back to me.

I see a mess in the mirror,

But you see the girl of your dreams

I see the dark clouds rolling in,

But you see the sky I can't see

I hear this melody coming out all wrong

It sounds like the chaos I hear in my head

All night long, but you hear a song,

You hear a song [3x]"

Positive heart

Magkasama kami kahapon. Hindi na kami tumuloy sakanila. Nakakatuwa lang kasi yung nga topic namin ngayon puro bout samin. What surprised me, siya yung mas hype samin for some reason. 

Una napag-usapan namin kung ano ba siya sa relationship. Aminado naman siya na hindi raw talaga siya magaling pagdating dun. Pag gantong serious na't stable na. Medyo magulo din to eh, nung nilalagawan naman niya ako, he knows what to do. Pero nung kami na, parang he needs to be guided. 

So okay, then I'll do it for him. I told him that I would give him like 300 a week then bale yun na yung ambag ko whenever lalabas kami. Kung sobra man, itatabi namin. Kung kulang, then siya na bahala magdagdag. Haha. 300 lang eh noh medyo kulang yun pero sya na bahala. Lol. Onting tulong lang. Ayoko kasi ng siya lang eh kasi wala naman siyang work or what to provide that much for me. 

So ayun, I told him "Ayan ha, tinuturuan na kita mag make ng decisions sa mga gantong bagay para marunong ka na sa next girlfriend mo. :)" Honestly, may ouch feeling nung sinabi ko yun. Natawa lang siya't sinabi sakin na "Ano ka ba, ikaw lang naman next and last girlfriend ko."

We were walking and walking. Nakakatuwa kasi he always kiss me on the forehead every now and then. Ganon naman siya palagi, lol. Pero may naiba kanina, he kissed me sa lips.. And yes, in public. Super ayoko ng ganon honestly. Galit ako sa mga taong pda. I want his kiss.. Oo. Pero wag lang talaga sa public. Tas nakakatawa kasi sa sidewalk kami naglalakad nun tapos everytime mapapadaan kami sa likod ng poste, he would kiss me. Yes, sa lips. Natatawa lang ako kasi hindi talaga ako sanay nagkkiss kami sa public. But yes, nobody saw us that time. He was indeed sure about that at tingin ko rin naman. Haha. ❤

Anyway, we stopped somewhere to get a drink. Uhaw na uhaw na kasi ako. Ay wait onga pala, he was bringing my bag the whole time! Ngayon lang ata yun kasi ayoko talagang nagpapabuhat ng bag kahit sinasabi niya na siya na. Eh ayoko talaga. Naiirita kasi ako sa mga babaeng nagpapadala ng bag nila sa mga boyfriend nila eh pouch size lang naman ang putek.. Masabi lang? Haha! Anyway, pinadala ko lang sakanya yun just because mabigat talaga siya at hindi ko na kaya. 

Ayun, as I was saying we stopped somewhere to get a drink. He bought this banana ramma which we really loved eer since. Then napakwentuhan na naman kami. Katawa yung set up eh may candle pa so medyo bagay sa moment. Lol. Anyway, I asked him random things like "Ming, pag nagkapamilya ka na in the future, what kind of dad kaya ikaw tingin mo?" He told me he would be a cool dad. Sinabi ko sakanya na siguro ako rin, cool mom. Pero he doubted it because mothers just don't think that way when it comes to thier children. Haha. Oo nga naman. 

Sinabi ko rin na grabe, kung iisipin ang tagal pa nun. Ang dami pang pwedeng mangyari. Pero eto na naman siyang si tangge. "Sobrang bilis nalang ng panahon ngayon ming. Naalala mo ba nung napagusapan natin na mag-iibang bansa ka pagkapagrad ka na? Oh tingnan mo, halos andun na tayo ngayon. :)" Sabagay, minsan ang panahon di mo napapansin na lumilipas na. Di ko man sinabi sakanya, I hope and pray na okay parin kami when that time comes. 

And we talked and talked and talked. And I suddenly asked him (dami kong tinatanong badtrip)  "Ming, naisip mo ba minsan na what if makakita tayo ng someone na mas better satin? Of course there would always be someone betters diba? Wala lang, hindi mo ba naiisip yun paminsan?" I honestly don't know what's gotten into my mind to ask that question. Siguro, curious lang talaga ako. 

"Oo naman, there will always be someone better ming. Pero merong bagay na wala sakanila at meron sayo. At yun yung friendship that we made. Yung memories, yung mga napagdaanan natin, lahat lahat. Bakit pag nakakita ba ako eh kikilalanin ko pa sila ng matagal gaya ng ginawa ko sayo?"

Something like that. Actually, almost the same. Haha. Anyway, napangiti naman ako dun. Natuwa lang ako kasi posituve talaga tong mag-isip si ming compared sakin. Ako ang nega ko kasi. I thank God kasi siya, hindi ganon. Pinaglalaban niya pa na hindi talaga mawawala tong samin just because of those things. 

He really doesn't know kung ano minsan yung napapafeel niya sakin. Yung mga nega. Pero wala eh, dahil talagang positive siya mag-isip in a way, parang feeling ko kailangan ko na rin mag-isip ng ganon. In a way. 

So ayun, then umuwi na kami. It was really fun. I thank God for what hapoened today. And mostly, I thank God for always giving him.. A positive heart. That would really help a lot in this relationship. I just know. :). 

Type of guy

He's the type of guy who won't do every effort just to be with you.

He's the type of guy who won't look for you when you're not around.

He's the type of guy who won't give you gifts and buy you stuff. 

He's the type of guy who's not proud of what he has.

He's the type of guy who kills his time on other things instead of you.

He's the type of guy who breaks promises.

He's the type of guy who makes you doubt sometimes.

He's the type of guy who doesn't remember the little things.

He's the type of guy who does all that.

But I'm the type of girl who'll accept that type because she have learned to love that type no matter how painful sometimes.

And she's the type of girl who will always believe that someday.. he will realize everything and will love her even more.

So I won't forget.

"You gotta let yourself trust me again ming. If we're gonna stay forever, we gotta build up trust again baby. I'm doing my best to regain it. Pero sayo parin naasalalay yan ming. You gotta let me catch you and dapat mag tiwala ka sakin na di na kita bibitawan ule. Aniyo. I know its hard. Pero, i'll prove everything na deserve ko ang trust mo at hndi na mauulit ule lahat. Pero ikaw lang ming.. ikaw lang ang makakafree sa sarili mo sa curse na yan.

Acceptance, moving on, and trust are the keys ming. :). 

I'll love you the best way I can ming, until you don't feel scared anymore ming.

Hndi ganun kadali or kabilis.

Makukuha din natin yan ule lahat ming.

As time passes by, maeerase din lahat. :). 

I'm sorry ming.

Pero siguro, its the path we need to take para maging fully okay na tayo ule. :). 

Don't worry baby. I'm here now.. and I won't leave anymore. Not ever again.

We just gottaa accept it. Then forget it afterwards.

Just let things flow smoothly. Wag na ibalik ang past.

Yun lang naman ang key ming eh. 

Tandaan mo lang lahat ng mga sinabi ko ming. Panghawakan mo lahat yun.

And keep them with you always."

Sometimes you just have to remind yourself that it'll all be okay. Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but one day. Say it enough that one day you'll actually believe it. Remind yourself that things have changed, it changed for a reason, people change for a reason. You just have to let go and move on. It's going to be hard and you're going to feel lonely but just hold on.  Cause who's to say tomorrow won't be the best day of your life?