Positive; negative (late post; should've posted this a few months back)

Didn't see this coming

We were high up

We were soaring 

And thing's couldn't get any better

Looking at you makes me say;

"I am truly blessed"

Knowing you makes me believe;

"You are indeed my soulmate"

I know that I'm a pessimist

I always think all about the negative

But I've learn to be an optimist

As long as you are by my side

Last night.. It was the perfect night

But we did it by mistake

We crashed someone else's heart

And it came to me that it was not right

Realizations came and hit me

That being with you is sometimes wrong

Somehow, i've made you a bad son

And knowing that crashes me, too

I'll let you be for now

You must set your priorities, right

I'll be okay, we'll be okay

Cause by this, at least it will lead to right again

....

It's sad it became this way.. I miss you quite terribly. 

Future names of the future children

Nathan Angelo V. Descalzo

Janelle Ashley V. Descalzo

Nico Alden V. Descalzo

Julienne Ashe V. Descalzo

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

To the person who can't get over her heartbreak

A good read. 

http://m.candymag.com/guys/to-that-person-who-can-t-get-over-her-heartbreak

I've been this girl before. Always asking myself what did I ever do to deserve all the heartbreaks and the crying every night. I used to be so messed up to the point I don't think straight and right anymore. But you know what? Life gets better. As each day passes, as each day you bring that broken heart of yours, you learn and realize the reasons why. It is to make you a better and stronger person. 

I have mended my own heart. It was a long process. It took years before I finally let go of what I must have forgotten few years back. But that's just what it is. You break to learn, to know your self worth. You break to realize the good things life has to offer. As a famous saying says, everything has a reason. You may not know the reasons why but it is planned for you. It is meant to happen to you, may it be good or bad. So for everyone who is mending their own heart.. Remember things will pass. It may be far from what you're thinking but slowly, it will get better. I've been there and I have fixed myself. If I can, you can. I assure you that. :)

Until this day

I didn't even notice it, until this day 

There were things I couldn't do before

I always try to look beautiful 

I'm afraid 

Afraid of what he may think

I show him all the good sides

Just the good sides 

But today, I realized that things are changing

Yes, it was a slow progress 

But things are changing for the better

Things are changing in a good way

No, it wasn't a fast progress 

But I'm happy now I've realized 

That there are the bad sides

That I can show him all, too 

Not afraid of what he may think

I'm not afraid 

I don't mind being myself infront of him

And there are so many things now that I could do

I didn't even notice it, until this day

His anniversary message

Janeeva Kaila Cana Verceles, 

iloveyousomuch. Alam mo ba kung bakit ako naniniwalang may forever? Kasi you made me realize it is really possible for someone to love another person for that long. It is about finding that one person that can make you change how you view life. One that can make you think about a future with her. That one person you'd want to settle with, build a family with. That one person that is both your bestfriend and your lover. One that will accept you for who you are totally. One that would accept your wholeness as a person. One person that would still think your perfect despite your numerous flaws and imperfections. One that would love you truly and never ever leave despite all the hardships. I'm sorry for breaking the last phrase I said in the past baby.. I really wanted to escape my fear of hurting you, that's why I decided to leave. That was the worst decision that I ever made and the phase of my life that I would never ever want to return to again. Thankyou for accepting me again baby. That was then I realized that you were my one true love. You accepted me despite everything I have done wrong. I.. thankyou so so so much for that. For giving me this chance and trust that I won't ever break again. It's not really about finding a perfect person, it's about finding that perfect on for you. And for me, it's you ming. It has always been you and it always will be. I enjoy the little things that we do. The arguments and the misuderstandings that  make us stronger. The hobbies we do like playing LoL and 3ds. It's good to seeyou enjoy something that I love. Those numerous stories that we have told each other, some of which you repeat again most of the time since you forget that you have already told me. :)). 

I respect you and I promise I'll continue to love you even more. Until forever. 😚. Haha. Sorry for all my flaws baby.  I'm working on changing them for the better. Sorry for the arguments the I make no sense when fighting. Sorry for the situation with my parents. Sorry for making you feel less of a woman sometimes. 😔. I want you to wait baby. Just wait for that time that I can be whole. That time when everything would be good and I can give you my all. So there, let's just enjoy the present and look forward to our future ming. I'm glad And really lucky to have found that one person that completes me. That one person that makes me realize forever is possible. Iloveyousomuch ming! Happy 3rd anniversary! 😚😚😚❤️.

Happy 3rd Anniversay, Ming

It's been exactly 3 years since I said "yes". Grabe, ang dami dami nang nangyari. It's been a very spontaneous journey for the both of us. Andun talaga ang ups and downs. Hindi naman talaga nawawala sa relationships yun. Andyan yung saya, iyakan, lungkot, away at kung anu ano pa. Napakadami na talagang nangyari.

I'm really happy that after everything we've been through, we're still here. Buo parin. Magkasama parin. I might be mean sometimes, but you never ever got tired of understanding me. You're the one who always says sorry, binababaan mo palagi yung pride mo sakin. Hinding hindi ka nagsasawa umintindi.

People might be telling you that you're lucky to have me but reality is.. I'm the one who's really lucky to have you. You're really a nice person, ming. Actually, that's one of the reasons why I gave this love a second chance. Because I know that whatever wrong things you do, deep down you're a beautiful human being. You're a kind person. That's the main reason why I loved you this much. Kung bakit hanggang ngayon eh tayo parin. I admit l, there are times that I take that for granted but I wish you'll never change. Sana hindi ka magsawa umintindi at makinig sakin. You're really the best when it comes to that, ming. 

I know for a fact that not because we've reached 3 years already, it will be "us". In fact, it's just a really short time. Marami pang pwedeng mangyari. I always pray to God to always lead us to things that will make this relationship last. Or sa mga bagay na ikabubuti natin. I never sleep na hindi ko napagppray kay God yun. Maybe isa rin yun sa reasons kung bakit matatag parin tayong dalawa. It's just really amazing how this relationship developed from day one up to this point. I genuinely feel happy because God chose us as one of those lucky couples who have this kind of relationship. 

Sorry if sometimes I make you feel that I really don't believe in our "forever". Masyado kasi ako nadadala ng fears ko at mga bagay bagay sa paligid. Sa sobrang daming taong naghihiwalay kasi hindi ko maiwasan maisip minsan na baka tayo rin. I know that's not healthy but i'll try my best to change that. Unti unti naman nababanggit banggit ko na rin sayo na alam ko sa sarili ko na kaya natin magtagal ng sobra. Di'ba? Maybe the day will come that I'll believe in our forever again. Ganto mang hindi parin ako naniniwala pero one thing's for sure.. I want that "forever". Gustong gusto ko yung thought na yun. Gusto ko siyang mangyari satin. Yun nalang ang isipin mo. :) 

Ming.. Nigel Descalzo. Thank you. It will take a long time if I put into words all the things that you have done for me. Just.. Thank you for everything. Alam ko minsan naiisip mo na hindi mo nabibigay sakin lahat kasi sinasabi mo na hindi mo pa kaya, pero hindi. You being yourself, being understanding and being patient is more than enough. Hindi lahat ng lalaki ganyan. And I know that in the near future, babawi ka sakin. Kasi alam ko darating yung araw na kaya mo na. Don't worry, hindi naman ako masyadong mag-eexpect sayo. All i'll ever want is for you to aim high and achieve your dreams. I just hope ako parin ang kasama mo when that time comes. :)

So ayun, let's stay strong. Always remember that Iloveyousomuch and i'll always be by your side. I'll love you the best way I can hangga't hinahayaan mo ko. Happy 3 years, Ming! More years to come! <3. 

Clicked

It's almost 5am and I'm still awake. I just got home like 2 hours ago. I stayed at my friend's condo just talking about random things. One thing we talked about was about relationships. She told me that she knew a lot of relationships wherein they just go with it for the sake of the other's effort or just because they wanted to settle already. In other words, some relationships just exist not because of true love. They existed because they felt it was a responsibility they have to do. 

I believe that relationships are made for many different reasons. They start with different feelings and beliefs. But I know that one of the greatest things of how a relationship should start is you guys just simply "clicked". It means that your personalities, attitudes, humor(s), beliefs, likes and dislikes (whether it may be the same or not) just agree on each other. It means there is understanding and accepting on both sides for who they are. It means that you don't have to hide or filter anything from them cause you know for a fact that they will do or feel the same. It means that you both know that you're on the same line no matter what. It means you genuinely love each other not because you must, but because you really wanted it from te bottom of your heart. It means that you don't have to try to be the best couple, you naturally are. 

I've always believed that in every relationship, love is never enough. It should be more than that. It is important that you guys "click" for all reasons and rest assured, it's one of the biggest signs that you have found your one true love. 

And I'm lucky that since from the very start, we just "clicked". :)

I'm the immature one. I just realized that.

Over the phone

So we just hanged up the phone like 5 minutes ago.
It all started out with me being so mad at him for going home really late tonight. It was damn 10 o'clock when he got home. So I scolded him and talked and talked and talked bursting out how angry I was.

I don't really remember how everything went down from a minor fight to a major conversation. For me, it was bad and good at the same time but i'll say, it's good we had that talk. We talked about how I'm afraid when it comes to our relationship. Afraid in a way that he might gone crazy and did the "unwanted past" again. The one I talked about in this blog 2 years ago. 

I'm not saying that I'm still on the same cruel page when "it" happened. To be honest, I think I have moved on. I'm not the person who consistently thinks about the past and hurt herself whenever she wants to anymore. What bothers me now is not the past.. but the future. The future where "it" could happen again.

He told me his side and even though I couldn't see him, I know for sure that he was shedding tears.. Tears with sadness and regret from who he used to be. He told me that even though at times he was hurting by the way I bring back everything, he kept his mouth shut and understood the way I felt. He told me to always remember that the guy from the past is dead and shouldn't be remembered anymore. He also told me that I should think of that dead guy as my "ex" and always remember that the guy I'm with today is a brand new person who stick up with me and understood me even at my worst.

A person who doesn't want anything but to be a better man for me.

A person who wanted to pull me back up and know the meaning of loving someone and be loved.

Most especially, a person who wanted to be the reason why I should learn to trust again. 

"We've already come a long way just to be here, there's no turning of backs anymore." - Ming

Silent promise

When the time comes, I'll put everything into words.. No, sentences how much pain I went through. I'll put on that piece of paper all the hatred I have in my heart. The pain which is knocking still and telling me "you won't forget things that easy." 

I'm done with it. I give up these unwanted feelings of mine. I just want to be happy like how I used to before. I'm aware that love is no fairytail and reality will always be on your doorstep, knocking aggressively as if you wanted it to enter. Love is not all fun. Love is not like those in movies. Especially, love is not always equal. It doesn't matter if you give all of what you have or not. End point is.. They will still hurt you.

Though these facts have gone through my system, I know for a fact too that love is not perfect. There will ALWAYS be ups and downs. Ups, to give you genuine happiness. Downs, to give you lessons. That's how it is no matter how much you wanted to live in a fairytale kind of love. It is simply not perfect. Period. 

These feelings i've been hiding for so long.. I want to let them go already. I want to clear my mind and just forget all the pain. Things are better now and I know that what I have right now is already more than our unwanted past. Things are way way better now. 

I'm gonna put everything on a paper, and finally burn all the bad memories. It might not work at first cause I'm still gonna remember every once in while.. But after that, I promise to remember that I already told myself to let go and to let myself move on.

The time will come I will be completely happy again and I've got to work on it not depending on him, or on any other person. I just got to depend on myself. 

This is a silent promse I intend to keep. 

Honestly

I don't like it when you follow beautiful girls (not-so-famous actresses to be specific) on instagram. It makes me feel insecure.. in some way. 

Time check: 4:26AM

It is

That's the thing about love..

You give the person the power to hurt you and break you into pieces.

Love? It is a risk that you take.

Taking it with a hope that only you can understand.