So we just hanged up the phone like 5 minutes ago.
It all started out with me being so mad at him for going home really late tonight. It was damn 10 o'clock when he got home. So I scolded him and talked and talked and talked bursting out how angry I was.
I don't really remember how everything went down from a minor fight to a major conversation. For me, it was bad and good at the same time but i'll say, it's good we had that talk. We talked about how I'm afraid when it comes to our relationship. Afraid in a way that he might gone crazy and did the "unwanted past" again. The one I talked about in this blog 2 years ago.
I'm not saying that I'm still on the same cruel page when "it" happened. To be honest, I think I have moved on. I'm not the person who consistently thinks about the past and hurt herself whenever she wants to anymore. What bothers me now is not the past.. but the future. The future where "it" could happen again.
He told me his side and even though I couldn't see him, I know for sure that he was shedding tears.. Tears with sadness and regret from who he used to be. He told me that even though at times he was hurting by the way I bring back everything, he kept his mouth shut and understood the way I felt. He told me to always remember that the guy from the past is dead and shouldn't be remembered anymore. He also told me that I should think of that dead guy as my "ex" and always remember that the guy I'm with today is a brand new person who stick up with me and understood me even at my worst.
A person who doesn't want anything but to be a better man for me.
A person who wanted to pull me back up and know the meaning of loving someone and be loved.
Most especially, a person who wanted to be the reason why I should learn to trust again.
"We've already come a long way just to be here, there's no turning of backs anymore." - Ming
