Everything has a reason.

I'm glad everything's working out again. Yes, fights are still there but today.. I can say that I'm not confused anymore. I've been cheated on, lied to and left by the person I love the most. All of that happened and it was the hardest road I passed through this journey. It was the most hurtful thing in the world. 

But today, I realised that I'm okay now. The past is the only one that haunts me every once in a while. But that's just it and I need to overcome that. I've been looking for a reason. "Why did all of this has to happen?" But then God gave me the answer. 

He did all of this so that as early as our 1st year of being together, we'll be able to realise how we really love each other. People may enter between our relationship.. But at the end of the day, we still chose to be together cause that's how strong our love is. 

"What happened in the past shall stay there."

I hurt myself by recalling the past. I admit that It's a habit of mine but no, I can't live this way everyday. I need to let go of the things that I can't change. It's been done and I can never ever change that fact no matter I do, right? The past.. It cannot be controlled nor replaced. All I need to do is accept it. 

He have done wrong, he admitted his mistakes, but he managed to pull me back to where we first started. 

I think it's time to be happy again. 

Are you for real this time around?

My mind always wonder. It may forget but it's always only for a little while. It's not about all the bad times, no. It's about the present, on how things flow today. 

Do they still talk? Does their eyes sparkle everytime they see each other? Do they like each other but on a very in denial matter? Am I not the only one to love? I always wonder. 

It's hard to deal with what happened. The worst part.. It's already the past and obviously, no one could change that. No matter how much you wanted to. 

The pain, it's all gone.. But the scars will always remain. 

And that, I cannot force to let go. I guess I needed more time. 

I won't ever know what's really going through your mind right now. But I really hope that all your words, your actions, and your promises are real this time around. 

Well appreciated

Lately, my mind's akdhslla. I know what it wants, but there's something that keeps bothering it. No.. Not something.. Someone. 

I know I shouldn't feel this way. It's because of many factors actually. But this is how I felt. I couldn't get it off my head. 

I was okay. My eyes and my heart only lies within one person, one special person. But then, last friday night came. We were at 7th high, partying as always. I gotta admit, I got a litle drunk. Well, maybe I consumed a lot of alchohol though I was not aware. Haha. My body's uncontrollable. I know what's happening and what I'm saying but my body.. It just won't work with me. 

The feels are not new. I've been tipsy before. But this time around, there was someone there for me. Funny thing, I'm not irritated or what. Instead, I appreciated him. He's always right behind me, figuratively and literally. I can feel he watches my every move, my every attempt on getting another shot (That's the prob with me, when I got drunk, I crave for more). He's there. And I can feel his sincere concern for me. I admired him for being so respectful to me. He didn't do anything (touch me, kiss me or something like that) to me even though he knows I'm drunk. I salute him for that. When we finally got home, he even bought my meds for my allergies before he took off from Kamille's room. 

Don't get me wrong. I don't love or like him. I have a boyfriend and I love that guy very much. It's just that.. With that another guy, I just felt something that seems.. real. What I mean is on his side, his feelings for me.. and I appreciate that.