An Open Letter to the Man I Loved

It's just sad that after everything we've been through, after every article and poems I made for you.. We're through

I can't really expound on how things have turned around for us. All I know is that one day.. Love just left us. And there are so many reasons why. Reasons that are almost unexplainable and opposite to the burning feelings we once had.  

6 years.. I've known you for that long. We shared everything-- memories, arguments, hatred.. Love. But as time passed, love just keep on going away from us. People say that when someone truly loves you, you'll just know. On my part.. I almost never knew at all. There were a lot of times that I wondered how you really felt about me. There were times that I questioned the stars and the moon if I still shine as bright as them when you look at me. There were times that I stumbled upon the floor and cried my heart out thinking about all the reasons that you were not really inlove with me. 

I know for sure that you didn't even notice the lack of attention I was encountering from you. That when I try to talk about so many things like how my day went and how I really am, your eyes just seem to gaze all around the corner, not really looking nor listening to what I have to say. I know that you loved me, but for some reasons, your love just didn't really touched my heart. And it's maybe because we're never on the same page. We're never on the same line so how could we meet half way? I was always on midst of denying that you and I were different. People around me kept on telling me that we have a lot of inner misunderstandings based on how you and I made each other feel. It just sucks that I only knew that after so many years. Ever since you cheated on me and you made me feel worthless, my mind kept on wandering about who to really love. I tried coping up with all the unwanted thoughts battling around my head just so I could stay with the who broke me.. But that's just not how things work. 

I had to set myself free, even if I don't know where to go next. I had to escape from all the "what ifs" and start reaching out to the "what is". I had to stop wondering and make this broken heart of mine genuinely happy again. I had to explore and count on things that really matter. Even if it's

a little frightening to start all over again. 

Don't get me wrong.. I loved you. I really did. I wouldn't stay with you for 6 long years if I didn't. I wouldn't be crying every night and still smile everytime I talk about you and our used-to-be plans in the future. I wouldn't even write this letter if it really didn't matter. But loving you turned out to be giving myself away that I forgot how to love myself. 

😔